Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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