You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
