I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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