i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize