My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Randomize
