I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
