When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize