who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
