i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
