i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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