I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize