Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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