we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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