In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
