This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize