We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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