one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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