he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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