I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
