I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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