Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
