I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
