I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
