ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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