Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
