Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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