Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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