i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
