He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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