i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
