I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
We don't watch enough power rangers
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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