: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
