Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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