I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
