I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
