Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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