Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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