gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
