Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
