After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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