I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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