where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
