I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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