I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize