dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
