You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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