Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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