I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
