Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
