she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
