Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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