How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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