Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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