He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Randomize
