Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
just come out here and I will go home with you...
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
