I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Just cropdusted the office
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
