): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
