The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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