My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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