She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
