Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
