I wanna passion pit in your ass
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
