yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
