Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
my poor anus
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
