lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
