The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
