I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
