You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
