i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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