she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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