I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
