Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
