I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
