I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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